A fear of Commitment

Fear of Commitment

It seems to be par for the course that men are assumed to have a fear of commitment. Apologists claim it’s due to the biological imperative of sowing one’s wild seeds, but it could just as easily be a fear of choosing the wrong mate. Who said that having balls make you fearless?

I believe that fear of commitments have nothing to do with relationship and any path taken in my life.

I’m scared of committing to a job or career, assuming one is even possible in this day and age. I have friends who have chosen a field or have worked for the same company for years already. I have friends who are navigating their way through various levels of education, almost all with a goal in mind, however vague. And I also have dozens of friends who, like me, seem to bounce from job to job without any sort of rhyme or reason.

When I graduated from college, I felt my degree held promise. I had good jobs in my field while I was in school and felt that my resume, along with good references, would be enough to get me situated. I wasn’t prepared for the recession to cripple my field almost first and foremost

I floundered, growing angry and bitter that my talents weren’t recognized, my work ethnic not appreciated, and my resume not given a second thought. In part, this is a matter of arrogance and ego. But in part, it’s also warranted. How can I expect to prove myself if my prospective employers can’t be troubled to give me the chance?

When filled with such indignation, there are only real two choices:

1. Turn that fire into a desire like great athletes and politicians have for years.

2. Learn to value self-worth over the opinion of others.

I chose the second route, and because of this, I have learned to shrug off rejection and find happiness in the little things.

And yet, there is still this nagging loathing of my aimlessness.

Shouldn’t I have a path to walk? Shouldn’t I have found success? Shouldn’t I be comfortable with my future and have a sense of where I’m headed? Shouldn’t I have to be reminded to live in the now rather than reminded to watch where I’m going? All these things leave me blankly overwhelmed by my options and underwhelmed by my desires.

I know I have a fear of commitment. The question is whether it’s bigger than my fear of oblivion.

SIDE NOTE: 

-I already start a relationship and i want to take it to the next level.

-What's the sex of an essay? Maybe a she. Yes, i love her. and love that girl too.
-Petrol's price T_T